Me Right Now

Pain. Physical pain and lots of it. Actually more than I can bear. More than I have experienced in years with this thing they call Fibromyalgia. Fibro as explained in Wikipedia - Fibromyalgia - but I am here to tell you that it is much more than that. At times it is mild, an ache here or there, right now it is excrutiating to say the least. I try to hide it. The physical limitations, the tears, the frustration, the fear...
I am afraid of this pain, it scares the hell out of me. I want to function, without pain medication, without pain, without fear. I want to play on the floor with my daughter. I want to go places. I want to do art. I want to dance. I want to run, to play to have FUN. But I can't...it hurts..physically, emotionally. I cry actual tears. I cry inside when I don't want anyone to know. I am exhausted.
Another appointment today with the Rheumatologist. Nothing new, pain, his sympathetic looks, an injection and the suggestion that I find a heated pool to move around in to ease some of this pain. It feels so hopeless. And so I go on, I cry, I live.