Wednesday, July 21, 2010

But you hurt EVERY day....

That's right, something does hurt every day. Not every day is the same. Some days are minor, others are severe. It isn't like the commercials on TV where I can take that magic pill Lyrica and suddenly I am standing at an easel, completing an entire painting in one day. I can't take that magic pill Savella and work an entire day in a bakery. I can't take that magic pill Cymbalta and ride off into the sunset with you on a horse.
I've taken those drugs, along with Neurontin, Aventyl, Ultram, Ambien, Celexa...and many others, you name it I've tried it. Only once I'd like to go to the doctor and not have to sit there and hear him say "We've tried everything" while handing me my prescriptions for Vicodin (for pain) and Valium (for sleep). "There's nothing more we can do for you" rings in my ears for days, even months after those visits.

* I'd ike to not be a better weather forecaster than Al Roker, knowing two days ahead of time that it is going to rain.

* I'd like to not have to wear socks in 90 degree weather because my toes hurt so bad they feel as if they will break off with the next step I take. And because my skin is so dry it is literally cracking open.

* I'd like to make it one day with out a headache of some degree.

* I'd like to not feel like ripping off my clothes because they hurt rubbing against my skin.

* I'd like to sleep without waking up every hour because the pain is so bad I have to change positions. My joints in my shoulders, elbows, wrists, ribs, hips and ankles become so stiff I can hardly roll over. By the time I do get rolled over I am awake enough for the burning pain to start, once that registers in my brain sleeping is done. I have to get up.

* I'd like to eat foods that I like without having severe gastrointestinal cramps the next morning. I really don't enjoy curling up in a ball on the kitchen floor (or anywhere for that matter) for nearly an hour until the pain subsides or the Vicodin kicks in whichever comes first.

* I'd like to be able to shop, clean the house, cook, take walks, play with Maddie etc...on my *good* days without having to pay for it the next day not being able to barely move.

*I'd like to be able to get bathe, get dressed, do my hair and put on makeup with out the exhaustion that comes afterward.

*I'd like to leave my hair down but the feeling of it brushing against my face and neck hurts. Putting it up to avoid the pain causes my scalp to hurt.

* I'd like to work on projects during the day without being so exhausted I can't keep my eyes open and have to try to nap.

*I'd like to not have to be embarrassed that someone might see the bruises all over my back from sitting on a heating pad constantly to ease the burning sensation in my spine.

* I'd like to not have to get painful injections in my spine to ease the pain.

So yeah, I hurt everyday. Everyday is not the same. I hurt. Somewhere. In some combination of any or all of the above.