Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Being Alone On This Path

I spent some time with an old friend this week who I hadn't seen in about 3 years. She is in the same boat that I am, probably worse. She also has Fibromyalgia along with RSD, Degenerative Disk Disease, arthritis and a few other chronic problems. 
This morning I was leaving her a message on Facebook and happened to click on her info tab. Reading her comment about herself living with these conditions brought tears to my eyes. She stated how lonely it is not having friends because "no one wants to hang out with someone who is in pain" 
This is true and has been in my case many times. We aren't chronic complainers regarding the pain, in fact most of us try to hide it the best we can. But the truth, be it for whatever reason, is that we don't have a lot of friends.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Me Right Now

Pain. Physical pain and lots of it. Actually more than I can bear. More than I have experienced in years with this thing they call Fibromyalgia. Fibro as explained in Wikipedia - Fibromyalgia - but I am here to tell you that it is much more than that. At times it is mild, an ache here or there, right now it is excrutiating to say the least. I try to hide it. The physical limitations, the tears, the frustration, the fear...
I am afraid of this pain, it scares the hell out of me. I want to function, without pain medication, without pain, without fear. I want to play on the floor with my daughter. I want to go places. I want to do art. I want to dance. I want to run, to play to have FUN. But I can't...it hurts..physically, emotionally. I cry actual tears. I cry inside when I don't want anyone to know. I am exhausted.
Another appointment today with the Rheumatologist. Nothing new, pain, his sympathetic looks, an injection and the suggestion that I find a heated pool to move around in to ease some of this pain. It feels so hopeless. And so I go on, I cry, I live.